


because it wasnt his fault and he deserves good memories

by AssyEr



Series: Give Brian A Kiss On The Forehead [3]
Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Carmilla mentions, Gen, How Do I Tag, Light Angst, Talking, and burning in a sun, floating in space, talking about floating in space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28697808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssyEr/pseuds/AssyEr
Summary: "Chances has it, she’s either floating somewhere now, or pulled into the gravity of something, probably a star, giving their abundance.” She looked like she wanted to say something else, but instead cut herself, biting her lip in indecision.He didn’t like where this was going. “Yes?”She finally looked up at him. “Do you think she knows? That she’s still alive? Do you think she still feels something? You, you lived it. What do you think is going on her side?”Or, Brian and Nastya talk before she goes Out
Relationships: Drumbot Brian & Nastya Rasputina
Series: Give Brian A Kiss On The Forehead [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2096034
Comments: 7
Kudos: 22





	because it wasnt his fault and he deserves good memories

**Author's Note:**

> This lovely idea was suggested by Schrijverr. High time the series had a bit of angst.
> 
> Also, cw for a brief mention of Brian considering self-harm

It was one of those strange days were Brian was sitting uselessly on the pilot chair. It’s not like they didn’t have a destination, the Narrative was always pulling them somewhere, whether they knew it or not. This time the pilot knew where that was: Yggdrasil system, more specifically Midgard. But Ivy hadn’t yet finished planning on a good route to follow there, so the starship, and for obvious reasons, the mechanisms, were drifting in space, letting the soft gravitational pulls from the stars around them waft them around.

Not that he was telling anybody that. They would practically race to see who claimed for their personal use ‘the spare drumbot’ on whatever they were doing, and, well. Brian didn’t really have the heart to say no when he knew he didn’t have any excuse, and most of the crew knew it, sometimes even making it worse for him by making puppy eyes. Tim specially.

Nop. No way Brian would tell anybody about it.

It wasn’t technically a _lie_ if no one asked him.

Not really.

That’s why when he heard the door of the bridge opening he dropped the small top hat he was making for one of the spiders and instead pretended to be reading something on the screen in front of him. He even added a ‘ _Hu?_ ’ at the person who entered, not looking at them, which in his opinion made him look Very Busy.

“Brian?” asked the last person the pilot was expecting to hear.

He turned around with a smile on his face. “Nastya,” he welcomed her.

It had been a while since he had last seen her. The engineer had been busy with some complications on the landing sector –nothing serious, since the Aurora herself didn’t really land anywhere, with the mechanisms preferring instead to use pods. But he had missed her.

Brian looked around for something to offer her to sit on, but when he turned to her, Nastya had already jumped to sit on a corner of the control panel. Before she sat on top the buttons and levers and the complicate stuff, the panel shifted to be replaced instead by a normal, plain metal one. He smiled at Aurora’s gesture, but something sat wrong on him when she didn’t give the ship her normal pat, caress, or any way of showing thanks.

He was about to open his mouth to ask if everything was alright, when a spider took a run from behind Nastya, hiding inside the controls, but not before giving her hand a quick bite.

“Ouch,” she barely reacted, examining the wound without much interest. It was already closing. “Still not like me, I see”

The drumbot barely contained from apologizing on their behalf. “I don’t know why. They had been on their best behavior so far. Haven’t killed Jonny in what, a week?” Even the one that had been waiting on his shoulder for their new hat had disappeared, not wanting to face Brian’s disappointment.

Nastya let out a short laugh. “That much?” she joked. “Still, it makes sense. Sort of. I accidentally broke one of their webs while trying to repair Aurora once, back when I still didn’t know what I was doing. I was a very bad engineer.” She paused for a moment, thinking. “Guess they haven’t forgotten”

Brian hummed, but abstained of giving his opinion. He would have a talk with them when Nastya left them. It had been quite a rude attitude.

“Well, you couldn’t pass for one now, no matter how hard you tried,” he tried to change the topic. “You fixed me too well too many times for that,” he said, playfully hitting her leg with his.

It managed to make her smile, and Brian felt a little bit better about himself. It was short-lived, however. “You can fix yourself now, drumbot”

That wouldn’t do, thought Brian. “I still prefer it when you do it. You got better hands, and work much faster than I could ever hope”

He wanted to make her smile again, but Nastya only hummed at his compliment, looking away. His mechanical brain went all over the place, thinking about what to say now, wanting to keep her company for a little longer, when she spoke again. “I’ve been thinking about Carmilla,” she murmured, gaze fixed on her legs.

Brian frowned at that. It’s not like he had any problem talking about her, unlike the rest of his crewmates. But it was strange. "What about her?” he asked instead.

Nastya found an oil spot on her trousers, and started picking it with a nail way too short. “Ivy says she’s still alive, even after- She was air locked. Thrown into space. Chances has it, she’s either floating somewhere now, or pulled into the gravity of something, probably a star, giving their abundance.” She looked like she wanted to say something else, but instead cut herself, biting her lip in indecision.

He didn’t like where this was going. “Yes?”

She finally looked up at him. “Do you think she knows? That she’s still alive? Do you think she still feels something? You, you lived it. What do you think is going on her side?”

Now it was Brian who was refusing to look at her, thinking. They weren’t pleasant memories, but he would answer her. It was the right thing to do. “When I died the first time, in space… I really don’t remember much of it. I remember it hurt. And you know the song. It’s not as quick- well. It doesn’t feel as quick as it really is. My head felt like it was cracking, and my eyes bleeding was almost a blessing, because it alleviated the pressure. Don’t ask me the science of it. But. Yeah, it hurt. She found me screaming, you know?” he comments lightly, trying to change his own humor. “Ivy’s got the photos. You can give them a look if you want, I don’t mind”

_You can give them a look?_ What was wrong with him?

He wasn’t feeling well. _That_ was what was wrong. Maybe he should give Marius a visit, see if he really was full of bullshit as everyone claimed.

Nastya didn’t seem to realize his distressed state, however. “And what about… you know. The sun. Did it hurt too much?”

Brian shallows out of nerves. “Not… not as much. The first years… it was bad. Almost as much as space had been. But then my mechanism kind of slowed, I guess. Focused more on repairing my body than bringing me back to consciousness. And, you know, it’s kind of hard to do that on a sun.”

He wasn’t going to say anything more about it. If Nastya asked, he would simply refuse.

But she didn’t say anything, instead, and silence settled, leaving Brian with an even worse feeling on his stomach. Why wasn’t she saying anything? What was she thinking? Maybe she was worried about Carmilla coming back. Maybe she just felt bad about her. Should he had saved some details for himself? He had been honest. Maybe too much.

It was making him worry, her lack of response. He was about to open his mouth when they both heard a knock from the outside of the ship.

There, floating in space and directly in front of the bridge window, was the Toy Soldier, apparently having been air locked again. It was almost completely frozen, but somehow managed to move its arms slightly to the sides, waving hello. They both watched it float until it was no longer visible, its grin never flawing a bit.

Before Brian could comment anything Nastya jumped to her feet. “I’m going to go get it,” she declared with too much enthusiasm for her normal self. Her normal self, nowadays, anyway, which was still not much.

_Don’t let her go_ , said something inside of him, and there wasn’t a single part of Brian that opposed the feeling. He grabbed her arm before she could go far. “I can tell Tim to go” he said when she turned to watch him, confused. “It’s not like he has anything to do, and I’ve missed you.” He tried to convey as much feeling in those last words as he possibly could.

Nastya grabbed his hand, and slowly but firmly got it away from her. “I can do it. And I’m pretty much sure he and Jonny are responsible for that. I heard them hunting it on the way here”

_Don’t let her go._

“But you’ll come tomorrow? It’s been a while since you helped me with maintenance, and my knee is acting strange.” It wasn’t true, not yet. But if he got her to accept he could do something about his knee later.

He just wanted to see her again, with an urgency he couldn’t explain himself.

“I can’t,” she told him, “I need to do some repairs on the magnetic thrusters”

The pilot didn’t fully ended registering what she said before answering as fast as he could. “I can help you with that!”

This time Nastya stopped, looking at him, searching for something wrong. Brian couldn’t stand it, lowering his gaze. He knew there was something wrong, but he was pretty sure it was coming from her. Finally, she put a hand on his shoulder. “You know you can’t be near any of the magnetic engines,” she reminded him.

Of course he knew it. It still felt bad to leave her alone.

Brian doesn’t say anything, and Nastya lowers her hand, and he is so sure she would leave then, go away, and there was nothing he could do about it, not on MjE, not like this.

Instead of loneliness, he feels her lips on his forehead. She gives him a soft kiss then, maybe one too long but he doesn’t complain. Too soon, she takes a step back, flustered.

Brian wants to cry out of anxiousness. “Why?” is the only thing that comes out of him.

She doesn’t need any explanation, of course. She doesn’t give any, neither. “Because I do whatever the fuck I want, Brian”

He can’t help but think of Jonny, how he tended to say the same phrase, and wonders whether he learnt it from Nastya or it was the other way around.

She’s walking out of the room before he notices. “See you later?” he tells her before she crosses the door.

Nastya doesn’t give him anything but a non-comital noise, and Brian watches her go for the last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I think that after this Brian blames himself for Nastya going Out, no I dont think he ever talks about it
> 
> Thank you for reading! if you feel like leaving one, kudos and comments literally make my day


End file.
